J4

Out of Control Control Freak

How I discovered I was not really in control

Hello. My name is Christine, and I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, and a neat freak.  I’m also the kind of person who is very good at imagining exactly how a project or task could be done the best. Do you see where this is going yet? I like things done the right way, which usually means I like them done my way. Of course, when you are working in a group of other people –who each have their own view of how something should be done—you have to be willing to give a little. A good leader and a good follower has to be able to put the needs of others first. But, I should be able to do things the way I see best when the decision only affects me, right?

Wrong. That seems to be the lesson God has been teaching me my entire life –life doesn’t always go the way I think it should. Sometimes that is a good thing. Jeremiah 29: 11 tells us, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” Though I know the Lord knows what He is doing, and I know that His ways are good, sometimes it is hard to remember.

As a military “brat”, I have moved six times in my life, each time having to move away from friends, from what was comfortable, into the new and the unknown. I had no control over any part of the situation, other than how my emotions affected those around me. During our last move from Virginia –where I loved the scenery of the hardwood forests that exploded with color in the fall, the fascinating history of our nation chronicled in Washington D. C., and the uplifting, fun friendships I had—we had to live in a rental house for a year while we waited for our house in the town thirty minutes away to be built. I was still angry over the move and I had no friends to speak of since our new church was a thirty minute drive one way. I had no control over the situation, and I gave my parents a lot of grief for a situation they had no control of either.

I didn’t understand why we had to leave the home that I loved to live in piney, muggy Florida, but I also knew what I was doing was wrong. God really convicted me about guilt I was causing my parents that they didn’t deserve. I still don’t care much for Florida or the weather here, but I moved on, giving God control of my attitude toward the situation in my life, and my desire for control. As it says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” I know I may not understand everything right now, but God has taught me that I don’t need to. He has taught me that He is in control.

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2 thoughts on “J4

  1. I really enjoyed how much this post draws you in! Your writing is so honest! I admire how much you put out there and were willing to humbly admit that you’ve made mistakes. It’s so hard though, when you see something that is wrong, and you want so badly to change it, and then you realize that you can’t. For me, I struggle with the delicate balance between dissatisfaction, contentment and complacency.
    I admire the story of your struggle! I haven’t had to move much in my life, and I know that it would be really hard to!

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