Out of Control Control Freak
How I discovered I was not really in control
Hello. My name is Christine, and I’m a control freak, a perfectionist, and a neat freak. I’m also the kind of person who is very good at imagining exactly how a project or task could be done the best. Do you see where this is going yet? I like things done the right way, which usually means I like them done my way. Of course, when you are working in a group of other people –who each have their own view of how something should be done—you have to be willing to give a little. A good leader and a good follower has to be able to put the needs of others first. But, I should be able to do things the way I see best when the decision only affects me, right?
Wrong. That seems to be the lesson God has been teaching me my entire life –life doesn’t always go the way I think it should. Sometimes that is a good thing. Jeremiah 29: 11 tells us, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” Though I know the Lord knows what He is doing, and I know that His ways are good, sometimes it is hard to remember.
As a military “brat”, I have moved six times in my life, each time having to move away from friends, from what was comfortable, into the new and the unknown. I had no control over any part of the situation, other than how my emotions affected those around me. During our last move from Virginia –where I loved the scenery of the hardwood forests that exploded with color in the fall, the fascinating history of our nation chronicled in Washington D. C., and the uplifting, fun friendships I had—we had to live in a rental house for a year while we waited for our house in the town thirty minutes away to be built. I was still angry over the move and I had no friends to speak of since our new church was a thirty minute drive one way. I had no control over the situation, and I gave my parents a lot of grief for a situation they had no control of either.
I didn’t understand why we had to leave the home that I loved to live in piney, muggy Florida, but I also knew what I was doing was wrong. God really convicted me about guilt I was causing my parents that they didn’t deserve. I still don’t care much for Florida or the weather here, but I moved on, giving God control of my attitude toward the situation in my life, and my desire for control. As it says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” I know I may not understand everything right now, but God has taught me that I don’t need to. He has taught me that He is in control.